Random Quandaries

Its funny how you see it all tumbling right before you and there’s nothing you can do other than remain a helpless spectator to realities you’d rather turn a blind eye to. Then the questions plague your mind...the torrent of what ifs, whys, hows, whos! It’s a curse really…this thing called life…beautiful as it may be; it confines free spirits to worldly norms of finance, emotions…pain, hurt, anger…eventually eradicating the pureness of their essence. I oft wonder if the after life does indeed exist…and with all the perils that my entity has acquainted itself with…what my judgment would be. Its crazy how the mind can think in such an array of diversity…they say we exercise just 10% of our capacity…imagine if we expanded these horizons…what a thought!

I no longer feel hurt…I no longer feel misery…it’s almost as though I no longer feel! I guess this is what the proposed superhuman state was – someone detached to emotions…just extremely focused and goal oriented. This is me…what has become of me…a portrait of years gone by in shattered wishes? Yet I still hope against all hope…that’s the weakness of the human eye if you’d ask me…hope and love…together they make you weak to resolve. Then again…it is what makes us human…and…that’s a chance I’m willing to take.

I listen to sad songs…each one with a distinct emotion I can relate to as some part of my life lost away…yet…its not sadness that crowds me…rather…a feeling of numbness to it. Just a silent laugh conveying the notion that this is me! How strange that someone somewhere knows exactly how I feel!

And that thought takes me to the question of soul mates and whether they do indeed exist or whether they are yet a fictitious character created by one’s mind’s eye to drive us through life optimistically looking for what’s not there. The ultimate soul mate to me then is the self…eventually holding your hand every step of the way…feeling each intimate emotion…creating the world around you as you’d like it to be.

I sit here yet I belong somewhere else…to a faraway place created by me where the horses run wild…the dew settles on the leaves after a stormy monsoon…where the sands spread beyond my vision…where I’d walk with another free of these self made shackles in their entirety.

These are the dreams of yet another passing day…quandaries of my life.

It’s strange how this life works out. What you imagine it to be is yet simply your perception…different from that of those with you. Well...at least I can take away from this knowing that I did love…always will…but this is something that’s mine…this knowledge of dreaming yet again…wishing a world of possibilities…this will remain my secret to guard…that in my mind…it’ll always be…love remains…people don’t…

In all its functional differences…if you look at the lives of individuals put together…they are very much alike…with the clichéd responsibilities of family, work, society, the physiological needs after the attainment of which, one typically moves to attain self actualization. In reality, this state of being exists from birth itself…what clouds one’s vision from accepting and embracing this state are the years of programming that have built up society and what is popularly considered to be desirable. What really stands out in this whole world of similarities are the emotions experienced beyond these norms which challenge the individual to push their mind’s limits beyond that mere 10%. Do emotions then help shape the intellect...the answer to me most definitely would be yes…they are eventually what guide decisions even when the rational self believes something else…emotions guide the way. This then…is how we strive to be better…how we can hope to love an individual at par with our image of the perfect self…